You really don't know fear until you have had a child.

I am, by nature, a very fearful person.

It probably stems from my childhood and my mother who has many phobias of her own, and she unwittingly passed them on to me. Not hat she meant to, but it most certainly has something to do with me being extremely clumsy and, of course, the baby of the family for 8 years.

I've been rushed to the emergency department more times than I can remember, and my file there is larger than my whole entire family. At last count, I've had 12 broken bones, 6 torn ligaments, a scratched cornea (which was millimetres from my iris and certain blindness) and I nearly drowned. But that's another story.

Anyway, eventhough I'm an adult, I'm terrified of thunderstorms, but love snakes.I'll never drive faster than 80km/h but I'll faces an opponent in the ring 15 kgs heavier,a whole foot taller and from Maori decent.

I really don't want to pass on my phobias to my daughter, but I find myself wiping her hands with anti-bacterial lotion if she's touched something in public. I know she has to build up her immunity - I wouldn't want her to become the baby in the bubble - but I just can't help it. I'm always afraid something is going to happen to her, and it will be my fault. When she was born, I didn't even want people to hold her because of ''germs''. I thought, somehow I would muck her up as I was always the first kid in the family who would scuff their brand-new shoes. Since she was born, I haven't slept for more than 45mins in one sessions, constantly waking to check she's breathing. Am I neurotic?

Last night, though, I received the biggest scare of my entire life. The poor little teething bub was whingeing all afternoon, so I finally succumbed and gave her some Panadol. I must have squirted the liquid too quick down her throat and it ended up in her windpipe. Without going into too much detail, she wasn't breathing properly and I had to stick my fingers down her throat to make her throw up. For a full hour after that, I just held her, big tears splashing down my cheeks.

When Darp came over an hour later for dinner, I was still a mess.
Anyway, on a lighter note, it was great to see the bugger - even though he's grown a mullet! When I asked him my usual question, ``So are you seeing anyone new? Sorry, let me re-phrase that, how many girls are you seeing at the moment??'' I was quite surprised that the answer was ``one'' and that she was quite pretty, intelligent and normal. Not that Darp hasn't has his share of lookers, but they always seem to have some weird thing going on in their heads. By the way Darp, yes you are a cradle snatcher... only joking you know I love ya.