Babies are smarter than you think!

Why is it every time I change my little girl's nappy, within three minutes she has done a big, stinky poo?

Every morning, her Huggies is wet, heavy and does not contain anything resembling what she ingested the night before. Every morning, I feed her Weetbix and yogurt and wait, wait for the stink. But then, I cave in and change the wet nappy. It's then she gives me this mischievous grin. Her eyes sparkle and she stares into space for a minute or two. And then BAM! I smell it. She must have this obsessive compulsive thing that her brown pebbles must be laid in a clean, dry nappy. So, then off I go to change her nappy for the second time in 5 minutes.

Whoever is under the delusion that changing a baby's nappy is cute has not changed many in their lifetime. At first, it's a little fun. ``Ohh, look at their little widdle-widdles!'' ``How cute are these little nappies!'' But soon the novelty wears off.
When they are really newborn, the first couple of days, their poo is a dark green, sticky, tar like substance. It doesn't smell but it sticks to their little bums. A few days after that, if they are breastfeed, it changes to a diarrhea like yellowy substance that doesn't really smell, but stains ANYTHING it gets on. Let me re-tell a story that happened when my bub was only 10 days old.

It was a Saturday morning and my husband very kindly offered to change our daughter's nappy and let me lay in bed a little longer than usual. I warned him to do it quickly - off with the old, on with the new - like greased lightning. He assured me it would be fine. ``How hard is it to change a nappy?'' he said. I felt reassured and closed my eyes. Without exaggeration, 45 seconds later, I heard this explosive, wet fart and then ``Oh Shit.'' I jumped out of bed and to my horror found my husband's T'shirt covered in yellow, runny poo. As he was standing a good 15 cms away from the change table, a trail of the disgusting stuff was all over the bathroom floor tiles and dripping down the change table, soiling clean nappies, towels and other baby paraphanalia. Just as I got to the bathroom door, my clever little girl followed it up with a long wizz and proceeded to smear her arms, tummy, hair, legs in the mess. She actually had this look of evil on her face as she swam in the excrement. I just looked at him. He didn't know what to say. I was about to explode ( as you can imagine a new mum who has had less than 4 hours sleep would being faced with this). ``Don;t worry babe, I'll clean her up,just go back to bed''. I just glared at him, grabbed the now filthy bugger and proceeded to strip her now yellow stained clothes. Naked, I carried her over to the sink to wash her off when, out of nowhere, she let rip another wet, runny fart. Baby poo slithered down my body (I was holding her close), down my legs and onto my Tweety fluffy slippers which stained immediately. At that stage, my husband was about to crack up but then he caught the look in my eyes. ``This may be funny tomorrow, but if you f****n dare laugh, I will smear this shit all over you,'' I hissed. He bent down diligently and started cleaning my feet with baby wipes. Unbelievably, and I swear I'm not making this up, she let it rip once again. Still without a nappy, more poo sprayed my hubby as he was kneeling on the floor cleaning me up. There were no words.

Suffice is to say, ever since Pooey Saturday, we learned our lesson never to leave her without a nappy on.

Anyway, ever since she's been on solids, her poos stink so badly! It makes me want to throw up and constantly live with the Glen 20 can within arms reach. My double problem, is that I have a very sensitive nose and can smell things a mile away. I also have a problem with certain smells; eggs, raw meat, fish and a number of other things. Many times, I've rewashed the dishes after my hubby has kindly finished just cos I can still smell egg, fish, meat etc etc etc.

Do I have a problem?

PS Have been craving Violet Crumbles for the last two nights Every time I go to bed, all I can think of ar these delicious treats... and I can't even remember the last time I ate one! I'll have to go and buy a share pack of them today and eat the whole bag myself.