Real estate agents - the bane of our society

Did you leave school at 15?
Do you want to wear an ill-fitting suit everyday?
Have you got the people skills of a skunk?
Do you have any qualms with being creative with the truth?
Do you want to drive a $150,000 car and feel important?

If your answer was yes, yes, yes, no and yes, then I have the perfect job for you! Why don't you 'study' for 48hours and become a:

REAL ESTATE AGENT!!!

As you've probably gathered, I don't particularly like or hold much respect for these snake-oil salespeople.

I have dealt with my fair share of them to know they would push old women and children out of the way if there was a fire, just like  'George Costanza' (from Seinfeld).

I know it's unfair to paint then ALL with the same brush, but from my experience I find this breed of person to be greedy, dishonest, lacking scruples and slimy. 

And, almost all of them fit into these categories:

THE SLEAZY PERV

Usually fat, middle-aged and balding. Often he has bad breath (you unfortunately know this because the offender finds every opportunity to encroach on your personal space) and has bathed in cologne. He'll warmly greet you, squish both your hand together in a disgustingly moist handshake - which you have to wrench yourself from - and lead you around the property hovering at your side and often place his (or her) hand nonchalantly on the small of your back. He (or she) will ignore your partner and shower you with idiotic compliments, such as, " I find women have better taste, they know what they want" while wiggling their eyebrows and sneaking in a wink.
This creature insists on getting your work number, mobile number, home number, email, birthday, address and making sure you have his (or hers) and repeatedly tells you to "call me anytime." He (or (she) also calls you within minutes of leaving the inspection to see how you liked it, then send you a friend request on Facebook. He (or she) will then continue to harass you at least twice a day.
The only way you will ever be free of this slimeball is by changing your number or moving to another country.

THE ARROGANT YOUNG THING

He or she will be at least  20 minutes late and arrive in the latest sport model car. They'll be yabbering on the phone, very loudly, and have the customary reflective aviator sun glasses on. Impeccably dressed - women in designer two piece suits, stilletos, Louis Vuitton brief case, hair coiffed, make-up expertly done and men in a smart grey sport suit, metrosexualed to the nines, pointy shoes, Louis Vuitton man-bag and hair glued into shape with a tub of product.
They'll ignore you, throw a brochure in your face turn around and jet off in their (leased) sports car. All while talking on the phone.
You'll never hear from them again and they won't ever answer their phones.

My husband punched one of these species in his fake-tanned face once.

THE JUNIOR

Flushed in the face and carrying a pile of paperwork, the Junior has just 'graduated' from being a property manager (i.e they collect rent and deposit it). Super keen, annoying with poor English they are wearing a suit which is shiny from too many pressings. At first, you feel sorry for them and humour them as they mispronounce words such as 'bidet' and explain to you that termites can't eat weatherboard. The problem with these young ones is they don't know anything. You can ask the most basic question and their answer will invariably be "Let me just check", "I'm not sure" "I'm not the agent, I'm just showing it for them." This experience will be an utter waste of time and will only result in having to meet with with either the above mentioned SLEAZE or ARROGANT excuse for a human.

Oh dear, my phone's ringing. Another agent returning my call. Another Saturday to look forward to of disappointing house inspections.

HELP ME!!!