Baby bird has left the nest

Well, that's it.

My baby started school today and I feel completely and utterly lost.
For the last 8 years, I've had a little one next to me during the day.
With Hope in Kindergarten, I feel sad and very low.

It's an end of an era, and I wasn't ready for it to happen so fast.

sob, sob

Hope's pre-school graduation

This song was played at my baby's pre-school graduation yesterday.
I blubbered.
My girls laughed at me. Hope actually rolled her eyes. My husband took two steps away as my sobs increased from an inaudible sniff to a fully-fledged wail.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsk5Qz5oEWo
Let's see how many dry eyes there are after you watch it.

Sleep - what's that?

And now for my weekly whinge.

Last night was a shocker. And when I say shocker,  I mean a three hour battle to get the girls to sleep.
If you have read early posts from when Tara was a baby, you'd see this pattern of bad-sleeping behaviour started from infancy. Hope is even worse. Every night, she crawls into my bed after disrupting Eden for hours.

I can't remember a night since the kids were born when it was an easy transition to bed.
In an effort to try a different tack, last night I used reverse psychology instead of the usual broken-down record, "go to bed, you've had a drink, you don't need to go to the toilet again. GET to BED. Stop swapping beds, stop talking, STOP fighting. GET  TO F*&%ING BED."

And so, I told my eldest and youngest after an hour of bickering with my poor middle child, who just wanted to sleep, that they weren't allowed to go to bed.
I proceeded to plonk them both in the loungeroom and told them they were not allowed to sleep. I really thought this might work.

How wrong could I be.

What eventuated was a further two hour screaming match, crying, bellowing (my poor neighbours) and a draining, exhausting, emotionally painful battle.

At around 11pm, they both fell asleep on the floor of the hallway. Daddy transferred them both to their beds soon after. By this stage, I'd retreated to my bed, closed my door and cried myself to sleep.

I honestly thought I would have some small victory. The reality was that even though I had stuck to my guns and refused them to go back to their beds, it was one of the worst nights I'd had in a long time.
There is no solution. I've resigned myself to this fact. I've tried everything. Yelling doesn't work, compromise doesn't work, reverse psychology also was a flop, reward charts, blackmail, begging, NOTHING HAS WORKED. I've tried it all and I feel like a failure.

And, the biggest loser in this situation is me. They woke up this morning with no recollection of the torment they put me through last night. The guilt I feel for being angry at them, the feelings of incompetence - these feelings will haunt me all day.


The only hope I'm clinging to is that when we move to a bigger place, (hopefully soon) the kids will be more settled. I have nothing to base this one, but I'm totally spent.

The "un-joys' of motherhood!

Yawn.......

Do I need to change the name of my blog?

When I started this blog, I was totally engrossed - unashamedly so - with my first born. Many would say I still am!
But, it's not that I love Tara more than my two other children, Eden and Hope, it's just that in 2004 when she was born, I had transitioned. No longer was I just a girl, a journalist, and (recently) a wife, but I had a child. A child who made me look at myself in a completely different way, a new classification one might say.
Now, don't misunderstand me. I didn't become an all-knowing mother overnight. Hell, I've been a mum for nearly 8 years now, and I'd say, almost on a daily basis I'm confused, frustrated and struggling to know the right thing to say, the right way to react.
And, in no way is my experience unique to any other mother.
When I started this blog, I was Tara's mum.
7 years and 9 months on, I still am.

'Tis the season to be sniffly!

Having three little children to take care of (four including my husband) during this cough and cold period is, in a nutshell exhausting.

Runny noses, "mum, wipe my nose", fever "mum, i'm hot", runny noses "mum, i need a tissue NOW" is all I've been dealing with for the last week. The most disgusting thing is when they sneeze and two sausage shaped green slugs hang like algae, often past their rosy lips only to be licked up by greedy little tongues...mmm tasty.

The only saving grace has been a combination of Panadol, Nurofen and Dimmetapp (in my opinion, the best of the three as it knocks them out, only joking)
It's a good think doctor mum hasn't got the leurgy - hubby refuses to kiss me - or else I'd have to hire a nanny, or three.

Oh, I also had a nasty fall which resulted in a concussion and posible fracture of my (pride) elbow. And, for all those who know me, don't roll your eyes, I know I'm clumsy, but honest it wasn't my fault this time, the chair slipped. Another xray has been added to my mammoth pile.

On the book front, it's really steam-rolling ahead, a little scary yet exciting nevertheless.

That's about it, keep smiling and wear your face masks when you go out.

Eden is 2! Happy Birthday baby

My beautiful Eden turned two - it still astounds me how fast life zooms by!
She's an amazing child, affectionate, loving and CHEEKY! Everyone nick names her Sweet, Sweet Edee because she is so sweet and just edible! Here are some pics from her party.

Enjoy!

More pictures....

I don't have any inspiration to write anything, so thought I'd just post a beautiful pic of my gorgeous baby Hope!

ENJOY

She's all grown up - Tara's first day at Pre-school

I've been umm-ing and ahh-ing about starting Tara into pre-school this year - or wait till next year. I was worried about whether she was too young and whether I'd actually find a space for her. You see, if you haven't got a baby you have no idea how hard it is to get a place into a pre-school. Waiting lists are over two-years long and it didn't help that we only moved into the area late last year. I did the preliminary call around a few months ago, and I either got one of two responses:

1)You've got to be joking, (followed by an hysterical giggle),

or

2) You can go one our waiting list, it will only cost you $3000 which is NOT refundable.

So imagine my surprise when I called this very highly recommended Kindy on Tuesday afternoon when the very nice woman said that ''YES, we have ONE spot left, the term starts tomorrow.''

I couldn't believe my luck! I ran down to the school armed with my $100 and Tara's immunisation records and got her enrolled. Now, when I think about it, I'm glad it all happened to quickly - I didn't have time to fret or get nervous, or chicken out.

The next morning, we drove to the Kindy ready for tantrums and tears.

It would have been nice if the little poo-head gave a SHIT about me!!!

I was so devastated. My hubby gave her a kiss and waved goodbye. She hardly gave him the time if day. I hung around for an hour, watching her, waiting for a breakdown. She completely ignored me, too engrossed in shoveling sand into a toy tractor. I sat back and watched, nervous to leave, my heart in my throat as the teacher introduced Tara to the class. With trepidation, I approached her, testing the water.

``Ok, mummy has to go now.'' I held my breath, waiting, waiting.
``Bye mummy,'' she said cooly, pushing me away, not even wanting me to slop a wet one on her pouty lips.

I stood there, DUMBFOUNDED for what felt like an eternity. Then turned my back and walked away.

My baby was growing up - and at the speed of light. I sat and bawled in the car. I suppose I should be happy. She was happy. I knew I had done the right thing. But it still stung that she didn't cling to me like the last rays of sun on a stunning summer day. I was proud - bursting actually - that I had raised such a confident girl. And, she had a ball. Ate all her lunch and morning tea (and like a good wog mum I not only packed her TWO lunch boxes but a stinky salami sandwich to boot), jumped up and down during rest time on the little cots and created a colourful crepe-paper-stuck-down-with-copious-amounts-of-glue art work which she was bursting to show her daddy.

When I picked her up, she spotted me in the car park before I even reached the playground. ''MUMMY" she screeched.

Is there any other word as beautiful?

Introducing Hope - My third beautiful princess!

Guess what?

I had a beautiful little, healthy girl on February 21 at 6.05am.

And, as you can see by the photo above, she really, truly is stunning.

I can't describe how wonderful I feel. I really anticipated with each bub, it would get a lot harder, but Hope is just the perfect little baby. I feel re-energised, happy and I still want to have more children. But, I think I'd better give my body a little break as having three kids under three is a handful (that's an understatement!). Plus, once we have another baby, I'll have to trade in my beast of a car - the other love of my life - and I'm not quite ready to drive a van.

As with my other two girls - Tara and Eden - I am completely in love and in awe of her. The girls just adore her. Eden has smacked her a few times and Tara has nearly smothered her with love on more than one occasion. But all in all, life is wonderful.

I am so truly blessed, I thank God everyday.

The final countdown

With only 2 and a half weeks to go till I have my new baby, I'm sitting on tenderhooks.

It's not that I'm scared, well maybe a little, but it's the unknown of when it's going to happen. I wish I had a premonition of some kind and then I'd feel a lot more prepared.

Anyhow, I'm not blogging to whinge about how over I am being prego, I just wanted to let all of you know out there in Cyberworld that I haven't popped yet and will blog when I do.

Say a prayer for me......

I think Tara's allergic to our new place!

I am completely distraught.

Tara broke out in hives - very mildly on Saturday and then again on Monday. But yesterday, she had a pretty bad reaction - so bad that she could hardly open her eyes. The swelling has JUST gone down - 24hrs later - and it was extremely distressing. I'm quite certain it's not a food reaction because I haven't changed her diet. So, Im guessing it something from outside - the grass, pollen, a plant, insects - or maybe even the carpet.

I have been so stressed and terrified that she's going to continue to have break-out until I see the Allergy specialist and have her tested. I'm trying to psyche myself up for this - a scatch test where various allergens are pricked onto her forearm. I'm so worried.

My poor baby.

My first Grey hair

For all those who know me, I'm pretty vain about my hair

I whinge a lot about it the curls being a pain, but my crowning glory is probably my best feature (when the regrowth isn't showing, that is.)

Anyway, I've had hair dramas since giving birth to Tara. During the pregnancy it was full and long and just gorgeous.

My sister warned me not to get too attached to it.

Being a hair expert, she had seen a plethora of post-pregnancy women in hysterics as clumps of their locks had fallen out and they had to succomb to a crew cut.

Lo and behold, three months after Tara-girl was born, my hair starting falling out. Lucky for me, however I was soon pregos again with Edee and it was thick and lustrous again - and I tried a new colour.

However, the worst was yet to come.

Three months after Eden was born, my hair started falling out BIG TIME. Clumps would fall out in the shower and I would scream for my hubby to come in and check for bald spots. My hair line thinned out pretty quickly but I was loath to cut it, hanging on for sheer life to the ragged length of copper hair which now resembled an unbrushed horse mane.

I had always promised my hubby I wasn't going to be those women who, when they got married would chop off their femininity after becoming a Mrs and a Mum.

So, when I fell pregant this year, I waited the obligatory three months to colour it, and went for the chop - and changed colour yet again. I cried and yearned for the long locks. While my darling sister only cut the bare minimum, I felt naked without it. It wasn't that short - just below my shoulders - but to me it was akin to boy's hair.

I soon got over it. It its much healthier and growing (thanks to oestrogen) at a record pace.

Which leads me to the subject of this blog. It has grown so fast, I had to get it coloured again this week.

Usually a pain free exercise, this colour session was a nightmare.

My sister found a grey hair!

It was devastating, and I'm not exagerating. She yanked it out by the root and tossed it haphazardly at me. I was in tears. I have kept the hair, which is half snow white and half bright red. Gosh, I'm really feeling old.

My predictions are coming true, my husband is going to send me grey. Now for my next prediction to come true - the kids are going to send me to the loony bin.

Watch this space.

My beautiful girls

I know everyone thinks their children are the most beautiful kids in the world, but I'm not like everyone else, I KNOW mine are!
Seriously, all children are beautiful, and the biggest blesssing is that of a healthy child.
Here are some pics I couldn't resist but share.
Enjoy

Pregnant Again!

OH MY GOD, has it been five months since I blogged last?

It feels like a lifetime ago.

So much has happened - the most exciting being the subject of this blog - and yet I feel as if it has only been five days.

Well, a quick recap would go along the lines of this;
Got a great job at Australian Associated Press (app 3-4 days a week)
Eden turned 1 (and only started walking three weeks ago - lazy bum)
I got knocked up again (vomiting, vomiting and more vomiting)
I turned 30 (yibkes! And couldn't do the three things I always wanted to do on my 30th - get drunk, get a tattoo, smoke a pack of cigarettes)
Tara turned 2-and-a-half is a the cheekiest, most adorable little angel/devil who refuses to be toilet trained.
And,
STILL haven't moved house. This will have to happen very, very soon as I'm sure I will go completely bananas (ok, already am) if I have to live there much longer.

I hope I haven't lost all of my readers, but I suppose this is the quickest way to let all the people I know that I'm up the duff. While, I'm totally ecstatic about having another baby, you wouldn't believe the reactions I've got from 99% of people I have told. I can honestly say only a handful have said ''congratulations'' when they first found out, the majority getting a look of horror on their faces and exclaiming quite loudly ''OH, MY GOD''. This, to say the very least is EXTREMELY disheartening. All one is supposed to say is, God Bless or Congrats. A running commentary about how CRAZY I must be, or that I'm going to be busy (duh Fred) is completely unwanted and unwarranted. It's not like I'm having my 25th child! And even if I was, it's really no-ones business, so there!

And anyway, aren't I doing just what our esteemed Treasurer has asked of us? ``One for mum, one for dad and one for your country''. I is a true blue Aussie I is.

Now, I've got that little tirade out of my system, I'd better get back to work.
I promise not to leave it five months before I blog again.

Love and Kisses,
H

Pretty sisters!

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY

Can you believe two years have gone by?

My beautiful Tara is 2 and still amazes me every day.
Her favourite word is NO (isn't every toddlers?) and she loves telling people she's TWO and holds up five fingers.

Every day is an adventure, every day she does or says something that makes me cry with laughter and want to scoop her up and smother her in kisses.

I am truly blessed.

My other gorgeous wonderful daughter is stunning, has four teeth now and commando crawling.

Am I the luckiest woman on earth? I think so

Princess Tara

Yummy cake!

My gorgeous, beautiful niece

Smiling Eden